#61: Space Football: One on One

That is a lot of level code digits!

What in the world could Space Football: One on One be? It's got football in the title, so I'm thinking an 11 on 11 sports game. But then there's a little clarification that there are no teams here. It's one on one. But one on one football doesn't sound very interesting. Who do you pass to? Either you can outrun the other guy or you can't. And what does being in space have to do with anything?

GOAL?

The game appears to be played in hovercraft things, but it isn't clear what I'm supposed to be doing. I have a missile meter that goes down when I hit a button, and a projectile launches out of me. That seems good. I tried shooting the goal but it didn't do anything. I tried shooting the other player, but it didn't do anything. I tried shooting the orb that's floating around on the map, but it didn't do anything. I have a health meter, but the enemy couldn't seem to hurt me. I could hurt myself by trying to drive out of the arena. I can see why they'd put that mechanic in, since I sure didn't want to stay in the arena!

Everybody loses.

Eventually time ran out and the game was declared a draw. I couldn't figure out how to score so it's no surprise I had no points, but what was the enemy's excuse? I spent half the game shooting my own net and ignoring the ball! At one point I did manage to glitch things and get the enemy stuck in a wall, so that probably slowed him down. I even managed to pick up the ball, but then it turned red and bounced away.

Even Google wasn't much help. Normally I can find a manual or at least a control scheme for a game. Not this one! Even gamefaqs had nothing, at all, for this game. It had a page, but no FAQs. No guides. No manual. Nothing.

As best I can tell this game was made to teach someone how the mode 7 graphics worked, and then some company decided to make some money tricking consumers into buying it even though it does nothing.

Rating: F-